4 Questions to Ask When Writing Character Relationships
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Why did some fictional relationships become so iconic? What made them stand the test of time?
While nearly every novel has relationships of some kind, few rise to the level of being truly unforgettable. So, what makes the best character relationships so compelling? I studied some of the most famous fictional relationships in our literary canon to give you an easy exercise you can do to develop the character relationships in your novel.
I'm going to present this exercise as four questions you should ask about your character relationships. Here's the first question to ask to make sure you're developing strong relationship dynamics with your characters:
1. Are these characters interesting on their own?
To write compelling character relationships, first you have to write compelling characters. Start with each character individually and make sure they are fully realized and layered on their own outside of the relationship. If a character only exists in relation to another character, and their only function in the story is to propel that other character’s arc forward, then not only will that character feel flat and superficial, but the entire relationship is going to feel one-sided — which will result in it feeling less believable and engaging.
Depending on what POV you're writing in, you might not have the space on the page to show us all of this other character's life outside of their relationship with this other character. But through the POVs you do include, we can still get a sense of their life backstory, desires, fears, concerns, and inner conflicts. If they don't have a POV of their own in the novel, then show all of that through the conversations they have with your POV characters.
This will also set the stage for the conflict that arises later in the story. That conflict is going to feel so much more compelling if we understand both sides of it, even if we understand one side in more depth because that's the POV that we're in. Dual POV stories do this especially well though novels like Gone Girl or Normal People. Develop both sides of the relationship via their POVs so we intimately get to know both characters’ interiorities.
2. What sources of tension weigh on the relationship?
Human relationships aren't perfect, and very few, if any, are smooth sailing 24/7. It's critical that you show those moments of friction between the characters, both big and small. That's what's going to make them feel authentic; show moments where characters misunderstand, miscommunicate, disappoint, or even betray one another. These are the real human experiences that make your story feel lifelike, and if we see the characters overcome these sources of tension and conflict, it's going to make us buy into the strength of that relationship so much more.
Remember that showing conflict or tension in a relationship doesn't mean that your characters have to be fighting or bickering all the time. There are plenty of subtle ways to add conflict and tension to a relationship as well. Maybe one character is pushing the other to go out of their comfort zone more than they want to, for instance. That's still a source of tension that will make that relationship feel more complex.
The moments of tension will not only tell us more about the relationship but also about the characters individually. We can learn a lot about them as individuals by seeing how they respond to and grapple with conflict.
3. What does the relationship teach the main character?
Think about the main lessons that you want your main character to learn over the course of the story. Now figure out ways that their relationships can factor into that. After all, lessons in life aren't learned in a vacuum; they're learned through experiences and interactions that we have with other people. How can an interaction between your main character and someone that they're close to inform a fundamental lesson that they learn in their journey?
For example, if your main character needs to overcome their trust issues, put them in situations where their trust with another character they're close with is challenged. Can you show where that trust was broken and how it was repaired? It can be helpful to map out your character's transformative arc from the beginning to the end of the story. What are the main ways in which they change, and how can their closest character relationships factor into that transformation?
Another helpful way to think about this is to look at the other characters that your main character is closest to and figure out how they contrast with them. What similarities or differences do they have? For example, maybe your protagonist is cautious and hesitant, but their best friend is spontaneous and risk-taking. That difference can help your main character learn how to get out of their comfort zone and take risks, and on the flip side, your protagonist might help the other character become more intentional and thoughtful.
4. How does the relationship change over the course of the story?
Relationships are dynamic, and just as we as individuals evolve over time, so do our relationships. Your character's relationships should as well. Think about treating every relationship in your novel almost as its own character with its own arc. Think about the status of that relationship at the beginning of the story and the status of it at the end. How does it change? Are the characters closer by the end, or have they grown more distant? What has each individual character learned about themselves over the course of the story, and how does the relationship inform that? Make sure that the arc of the relationship also ties back to the overarching plot. How do the main events of the story impact how the characters relate to one another?
Writing Character Relationships: Two Iconic Examples
Now that we know what makes a strong, believable, compelling character relationship, let's apply these four questions for writing character relationships to two of our most well-known fictional couples: Daisy Buchanan and Jay Gatsby from The Great Gatsby and Allie and Noah from The Notebook. Both of these happen to be romantic relationships, but this exercise can apply to any type of relationship in your novel, including between family or friends.
The reason I chose both of these stories is because they're top of mind right now since they were recently adapted into Broadway musicals showing in New York City. So, let's apply this exercise to each couple:
Daisy and Jay, The Great Gatsby
Are these characters interesting on their own?
Gatsby is a self-made millionaire and a veteran. He's charismatic, mysterious, and a bit naive. Daisy is a beautiful socialite who married into a wealthy aristocratic family. She's also fickle, shallow, and materialistic. Both of them are layered, authentic characters in their own right with both positive traits and flaws, so I would say they definitely meet this criteria.
What sources of tension weigh on the relationship?
The main tension in the relationship and in the novel at large centers on Gatsby's idealization of Daisy and her inability to live up to his expectations of her. They also grapple with class differences and issues of jealousy, which threaten to crumble the relationship.
What does the relationship teach the main character?
The relationship is especially central to Gatsby's character arc, because he's forced to realize that his image of a happily ever after with Daisy is impossible, and he learns the hard truth that the past cannot be recreated.
How does the relationship change over time?
Their relationship evolves from being a whirlwind romance to a rekindled love affair to a tragedy in the end when it becomes clear that Daisy cannot live up to Gatsby's idealistic image of her. That leads to Gatsby's downfall and eventual death.
Allie and Noah, The Notebook
Are these characters interesting on their own?
Allie is a strong-willed young woman from a wealthy family who struggles to reconcile her own desires with the expectations of her family and society at large. Noah is a hardworking lumber mill worker from a modest background. He's passionate and resilient, driven by his undying love for Allie.
What sources of tension weigh on the relationship?
The primary tension comes from Allie's family's disapproval of Noah, which leads her to break up with him and then regret her decision. Then, they spend years apart with Allie getting engaged to someone else. Her indecisiveness of whether to stick with her fiance or rekindle her romance with Noah tests their relationship.
What does the relationship teach the main character?
Allie learns to follow her heart rather than follow what is expected of her from her family and society, and she's forced to articulate and identify what she really wants deep down.
How does the relationship change over time?
The novel actually operates in two timelines, with the frame story showing an elderly couple reading a love story, which is later revealed to be Noah reading to Allie, who has dementia in a nursing home. We're able to see that their love for each other has persevered through all of the obstacles they've experienced throughout the years. Their relationship goes from a passionate but unstable romance in their youth to a steady, resilient love.
These four essential questions can help you with writing character relationships that are more complex and believable and adding another layer of depth to your story. Thanks so much for reading, and happy writing!