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After you've gotten your story down on the page and you have a finished draft, it can be incredibly challenging to see it from an objective perspective and understand if it is delivering the reader experience that you intend. That's where I come in as a professional book editor to help authors see the weak points in their story and then strengthen those so that they achieve their vision for it.

One of the biggest mistakes that you are probably making in your novel is creating too much narrative distance. Let’s talk about three ways narrative distance could manifest in your novel and some examples of how it might look.

What Is Narrative Distance?

Think of narrative distance as the space between the reader and the characters and events of the story. Narrative distance is related to point of view, or POV, but it is not the same thing. For instance, you could have an omniscient POV, which we think of as more distant, that actually doesn't have much narrative distance at all. Alternatively, you could have a close third person or a first-person POV, which we would think has little narrative distance, that actually has a lot of narrative distance.

As a general rule, you want there to be minimal narrative distance, no matter which perspective you are writing in, because that is going to be what creates an immersive experience for the reader and keeps them engaged with the plot and with the characters. When you close the narrative distance, the reader is going to feel like they are fully inhabiting the setting and that they are experiencing the events of the story alongside the characters. They're going to feel truly connected to the protagonist when you do this, and it's going to be what grants your narrative that compulsive, page-turning quality that we all want to achieve.

When there's a lot of narrative distance, it's harder for you to keep your reader intrigued with the story because frankly, they're just not going to feel as connected to what is going on in your story's world.

All that being said, there are certainly times where, as an author, you will want to create narrative distance for a certain literary technique or a certain reaction that you want to get from the reader, such as establishing suspense. But I would challenge you and argue that in most cases, the narrative would be stronger and more effective if the narrative distance were closed. You might think that you are achieving a certain literary effect from deliberately using narrative distance, but it might just be confusing or disorienting the reader.

How Do Authors Create Narrative Distance?

I know all of this might sound quite theoretical, so I'm going to walk through some examples of how narrative distance manifests in your manuscript and give you some example passages so you can see how it actually looks in your story. Then, we'll go through how the narrative would read differently if we closed the narrative distance.

Recounting Events

The first way that narrative distance manifests in a novel is if you are recounting events in retrospect. Deciding which plot events to show on the page happening in real time in the story versus which plot events are happening off-stage — meaning we're not actually seeing them play out in real time — is one of the most important responsibilities that you have as an author. And the answer is not always as straightforward as it might seem.

Any time you find yourself spending a lot of time recounting an event that happened off-stage, meaning it occurred within the timeframe of the novel but was not shown as a full scene chronologically, I would encourage you to take a moment to consider if the narrative would actually be stronger and more engaging if you just showed that event when it actually occurred. That's because when you recount an event in detail in narration, it can come across as an info dump, which is typically not a very effective way to engage your reader. It removes the reader from the present plot action because now we're spending all this time going over something that happened previously.

Another way this might manifest is if you are having characters recount an event via dialogue. If that exchange becomes so overwhelmed by the details of this event, that scene might feel very burdensome and cumbersome for the reader to interpret.

Also remember that the only way for the reader to really feel the drama of the scene is to see the characters’ raw emotional responses in the moment, so I strongly recommend writing out any scene that includes significant plot developments that change the course of a character's journey. If you skip over them and catch the reader up later on what happened, they're going to be at a narrative distance.

Let's look at a narrative distance example that recounts an event:

Feeling down, Kara sat in the chair by the window, reflecting on the news she received last night after coming home from the date with Marcus. She had received a call from her mother letting her know her grandmother was in the hospital.
“The infection came on suddenly,” her mother had said. “The doctors are running tests and we should know more tomorrow.”
Kara's first thought had been to buy a plane ticket immediately, but Jenny's wedding was in two days. She still felt torn about what to do.

In this case, rather than having a scene of Kara the next day recounting what happened last night, it would be much more effective to just show this scene when it occurred chronologically that Kara received this call. Then, by the time we get to the scene of Kara sitting by the window, we will already have known what happened because we will have seen it happen in real time. By closing the narrative distance, we will also be able to much better connect emotionally with her experience of hearing her grandmother is in the hospital, because we’ll be sitting there with her when it happens.

This is a scene where I would recommend removing the language that is recounting what happened and instead show this as a full scene chronologically in the narrative.

Not Illuminating Characters’ Thoughts

The next way that narrative distance comes about in a novel is if you're not illuminating the characters’ thoughts. Most novels that are published today are written either in close third person or first-person narration, which means that we are following either a single protagonist very closely or we are rotating between multiple protagonists very closely.

In these perspectives, we should have full access to the POV characters’ minds. Essentially, we are stepping into their shoes and experiencing the events of the story alongside them because we expect to have intimate access to their minds. Any time you fail to share what a POV character is thinking or feeling in a given scene, you're going to create narrative distance.

The way to spot this in your scenes is to look at what is happening externally, or physically, in the scene, and what is happening internally, or emotionally, for the POV character. If you are writing in close third person narration or first-person narration, then your scenes should always include a mix of both physical action as well as dialogue that is being said aloud and internal reactions, interpretations and reflections from the perspective of the POV character. If something dramatic or consequential happens in a scene, then your reader is going to expect to see the POV character's reactions. We're going to crave knowing how they interpreted what just happened. This is also going to help validate that the reader is interpreting and registering things as the POV character is.

Let's take a look at an example of narrative distance that doesn’t illuminate the POV character’s thoughts:

As Kara took off her heels in her apartment entryway, her phone buzzed. Her mom was probably wondering how her date went.
“Hey mom,” she said excitedly. “The date went super well. I might even be able to take him as my plus one to Jenny's wedding!”
“That's great, honey, but unfortunately I have some news.”
“What happened?”
“Gran is in the hospital and I'm here with her now. The infection came on suddenly. The doctors are running tests and we should know more tomorrow.”
“I feel terrible that I'm not there.”

Doesn't this scene feel like it's lacking some emotional impact? That's because we are only seeing the external action — in this case, the dialogue between Kara and her mother — and we're not getting inside Kara's head at all. We don't know what she is thinking or feeling. All we know is what she is saying aloud, which is obviously not the same thing as what she's actually thinking and feeling.

In this case, I would recommend closing the narrative distance by deepening the close third person perspective and providing some insight into how Kara is responding to what her mother is saying. Let's look at how a revised passage might read:

As Kara took off her heels in her apartment entryway, her phone buzzed. Her mom was probably wondering how her date went.
“Hey mom,” she said excitedly. “The date went super well. I might even be able to take him as my plus one to Jenny's wedding!”
“That's great, honey, but unfortunately I have some news.” Hearing her mother's uncharacteristic somber tone, Kara's stomach dropped. Something's wrong.
“What happened?” Kara’s mind raced through the possibilities: was everything okay with her dad? With Buster? With Gran?
“Gran is in the hospital and I'm here with her now. The infection came on suddenly. The doctors are running tests and we should know more tomorrow.”
A wave of guilt washed over Kara. Here she was thinking about her date and Jenny's wedding when this was happening at home.
“I feel terrible that I'm not there.”

Do you see how we feel Kara's raw emotions so much stronger in this version? It's because we're closing the narrative distance and we are fully privy to everything running through her mind. These additions of Kara's inner thoughts and reflections also help amplify the tension and suspense of the scene because it draws out the conversation a little bit longer and creates a stronger sense of anticipation in the reader.

Withholding Information from the Reader

The final way that narrative distance might show up in your novel is if you are keeping secrets from the reader. As the author of the story, another one of your key responsibilities is choosing how and when to reveal information to your reader. When does the reader learn this important piece of backstory or see this important flashback? When does the reader learn about these characters’ relationship history?

Sometimes, in the interest of creating intrigue or trying to build suspense, authors will have their protagonist withhold important information from the reader. But as with the last issue we discussed, when you are writing in close third person or first-person narration and we want to feel intimately connected to that protagonist, having them explicitly keep things from us is going to create narrative distance. It can feel jarring to know that they are withholding information because at some point, we're going to expect to be told what it is they're hiding. We're no longer going to feel as intimately connected to that protagonist when we know they are keeping this secret and, at worst, not knowing the secret for too long can actually lead the reader to disengage with the story.

Let's take a look at how this information withholding might manifest in this scene.

The morning of Jenny's wedding, all Kara wanted to think about was the joy of seeing her best friend marry the love of her life. But something was eating away at her, and she didn't know how to tell Jenny.
Donning her special Maid of Honor PJs, she poured herself a mimosa from the hotel suite bar. She didn't have it in her to smile and pose for pictures, so she lingered near the door while the other girls finished their makeup.
The ceremony would begin in an hour, which meant Kara had less than that to figure out what to do about this information. It could change everything for Jenny.
“Hey, is everything OK?” Jenny's sister came up from behind her.
“Yeah, yeah, I'm great!” Kara faked a smile. She probably doesn't even know.

At several points throughout the scene, we are being hit with the news that Kara is withholding some huge secret that is going to potentially change everything for Jenny. But even though the secret is referenced three times, we still have no idea what it is. Ideally, before this scene ever even comes about in the novel chronologically, we would know what Kara knows that could change Jenny's life. We'll understand what information she is withholding so that by the time we get to this scene, we'll know where her discomfort is coming from and we will understand the stakes of the situation. Right now, we really have no information to interpret why Kara is feeling so uncomfortable and distressed.

You might argue, “Well, this is building suspense,” because you want the reader to be eager to find out what the secret is. But truly, the suspense should be wrapped in whether or not Kara is going to tell Jenny. That is quite enough suspense already, and that way, you're going to ensure that the reader is not distracted and disoriented from not knowing what Kara knows. Remember, Kara in this passage is our close third person POV character, so we do want to be intimately connected to her and know what she knows.

I hope this helped you understand what narrative distance is, how it could show up in your novel, and how closing it can make for a more engaging and effective narrative.

Thanks so much for reading and happy writing!